Long time no blog huh? Yeah…sometimes life gets in the way of blogging. Joo know.
Hope everyone or anyone who happens to come across this post is doing well. In their professions and lives. So much has happened in the world since I last posted. Im not in a mood to write about political or social topics at the moment so Ill resume my blog with something personal…yet universal:
My Life Expectancy and what comes next.
If the topic of death and what happens after it scares the shit out of you, stop here. But it is something that has been on my mind lately.
I don’t believe in heaven or hell or at least the “heaven & hell” that was taught to me at catechism.
So whatever happens once my eyes close forever is something that Im looking forward to. Not anytime soon mind you, but I hope the Angel of Death comes for me in my sleep…as an old, OLD ass man when I call for it to take me that night. This would be an ideal scenario.
However I see myself dying of cancer. In my early to mid 70′s.
Why the specific timing? Maybe its cause my dad checked out at 68 from stomach cancer. Just months shy of seeing his 1st grand child born. After that I promised that I wouldn’t go like him. Too soon and not like that. I hope no one should ever have to witness that sort of deterioration. Not an easy thing to see someone you love starve to death and you can’t do a fucking thing but watch.
But like my dad said 2 weeks before his passing “De esto nadie se escapa.”
My dads ordeal toughened me up and showed me that I needed to clean myself up. Well thats still an on going battle. The good news is that I have been cigarette free for almost 3 years straight (I got my dad beat on that He stopped in his 50’s). My pops drank a lot too. More than anyone should on a daily basis and his drink of choice was Budweiser beer. Really papá? You couldn’t pick a better brew?
So Im trying to be a better person than dad when it comes to how I eat and how I live my life, by exercising and cutting back on stress. The food & booze…I keep that in check but there’s always room for improvement. I exercise when I can…but pinche stress stays with me like a cheap suit (oops just stressed writing that!).
But is it enough?
Genetically I think Im fucked every which way till next Sunday. Disposition to cancer and diabetes, Alzheimer’s from both parents makes me an extra bright candle thats burning at both ends. We shall see.
My thoughts on the “after life” is this…its what I choose to believe. I think it’ll feel like a dream. Mad hallucinations that no one will see you react too cause they’re so deep in your mind and you don’t have the strength to muster any visible emotion. That’s what what I saw in my dad as I stared closely at his face for a moment about 8 hrs. before his passing. Being completely still with some very tiny movements in his eyes…then moment after his passing I saw what looked like…a smile.